Fhao’s Emotional Blog

The night is cold,
the moon is hiding
there is nothing in here
but the feeling of isolation.
The demolition of these encantations
the heart has given us
Nothing here, nothing at all
Holding us back on probation
Tired, lonely, helpless that’s me
Of this self-grudging world we made
We all are reflections of what we think is right
Yet we gain no self-respect as we save our dear life
Floating in the galaxy of troubled minds
We have nothing. Yes, nothing.
but this precious we call time
Spent wisely with someone else
Or spent selfishly with ourselves
The heart is complicated
A metaphor used for all that is felt within
I love you, i hate you
Everything, everyone commits a sin
And as the clouds pass by
the moon is now to be seen
Darkness melted away
condemned from lightness; that’s what’s been
Thoughts that bother me from day to day
complicates my life even more
I wished I hadn’t gain knowledge
Wish I was a little girl from before
As there is noone else to greet me today, tonight,
Advance happy birthday to me, and i will continue to live this lie we call life.

angels mourn crying, praying for your soul as my eyes open from their state of sleep i feel my blood turn into a frozen river nightmares so close death was in the air my heart locked shut, and i gave you the key promise never to leave as lies hold me emptiness fills my broken heart screaming your name hoping for a response, silence summer drowned by winter to look in your face and realized the time we spent the chances i had have drifted away from my fingertips your life, your thoughts, your dreams, your love never tried my hardest and now i cray as the hurt enters i love you and i still love you even though i never showed it a piece of me is gone forever clutching memories held so close repeating words of love spoken to late my eyes look all around but all they can focus on is you for in you i find me days past by and thy death still lingers this coldness will never satisfy me i want to be surrounded by angels in a place where the sun is so warm it burns my insides surrounded by angels where love takes my darkest depressions and throws it into the deepest of sea a place i can call home, i’m crying to you Jesus mend me, break me, make me you’re all i’ve got now my eyes look all around but all they can focus on is you for in you i find me farewell my friend your time has come and never will i be able to tell you i love you again

All the blood in their souls pour out, look for something in the dark Blinded they find nothing another lust given in, another trust shut within Listen to him speak so holy, father God, I’m saved That’s fall that matters let the rest burn in hell Preach false, a sin is a sin, doesn’t give you the right to condemn then to hell they know their wrongs you don’t have to tell them their faults Once you were a sinner how would you like it if someone laughed at you because of your wrongs? I’m not here to accept their sings but I’m here to show them love within Listen to him speak so holy, Father God I’m saved That’s all that really matters let the rest burn in hell. No Matter how hard you try you can’t convince me that you represent Christ No more, I’m fed up with this… you’ve already killed too many souls It’s time you wake up and see the truth Christian, I stand no afraid of my beliefs Learn to love your enemies, to open their eyes you must be willing to die Look at your own wrongs before you look at someone else’s You want to save souls or put souls to death Giving our savior a bad name, giving me a bad name You’re so wrong with your beliefs, sit in church every week, but never do you help the weak This is time to take back what’s ours, not to give the world what’s ours Don’t you want to see everyone saved or just yourself with a river of bloodon your hands?

tears run down my face just like the last
no different from yesterday
sick from the mirror
do these prayers feel sincere
the dirt never washes clear
you were good, so good
i grew to love your lies
until i put you in the past
love was lust until he revealed
the man behund the mask
will the scars go away
in this world i have no place
forgive me Jesus this time i cry
i rip my heart outto give to you
alone it never did me any good
hold me close, wash my mind
destroy the me that lives inside

Jealousy rears its ugly head
I won’t forget the things you said before you turned your back
Goodbye, goodnight, for good…remember my face when you feel the pain
Say goodbye…

Now I’ll fight with my eyes closed for the things I’ve let go
Sweet breath escapes…choke on the lies that were your last goodbye
Hear my voice as you sleep…
Sleep tight, goodnight…choke on the lies that were your last goodbye

Goodbye helps me to sleep without your memories
And my shattered dreams collect dust on what used to be a lie
It haunts me no more and now you’re gone, you’ve left me alone
I wasn’t wrong to feel this way inside so goodbye, goodnight, for good

Now I’ll fight with my eyes closed for the things I’ve let go
Sweet breath escapes…choke on the lies that were your last goodbye
Hear my voice as you sleep…
Sleep tight, goodnight…choke on the lies that were your last…

I find pleasure in the taste of your decay
I anxiously watch you fade away

I can’t explain what’s happening inside of me
I refuse to fight you anymore
All I know is I have to make sure…make sure you never wake up again

Soft flesh gives way to trembling hand…

beautiful eyes are sewn shut
searing thread suffocates the light

screams of lust we cry
tonight you are everything to me
you’re everything…
you’re everything to me no more
as I wake from this perfect dream
I’ll escape from Eden’s walls
can I not stay and live this lie?
go away and I’ll think only of myself

and to think that you would not be scared or surprised if I’d severed all these ties
this is the end…

I’ll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you
one last false apology
help me get over you

I feel so numb to see this bitter end of beautiful illusions…would this be the same?
broken pieces will not mend to save our past now…go away…

I’ll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you
one last false apology
help me get over you

now we must let go
urgency overwhelms me as I must restrain my flood of tears
I refuse to be slave to your false beauty again

I’ll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you
one last false apology
help me get over you

no one ever said that life was fair and I’m not saying that it should be
so knowing that you are where you want to be and I’m not comes as no surprise
but don’t expect me to be happy for you
and don’t smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too
I don’t want your pity… I hate your pity

taste your vanity
its sweet bitterness as you hide behind your veil of my stolen hopes and lost dreams
you took them all
I watched you steal my thoughts and had to see you smile

as you build your dreams on my shattered hopes
I’ll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy

beg me to make this easier and listen to my hopeless cries

suffer alone in emptiness
I lust to see you swallowed by the mess that you left in your wake
disgust lies deep within your empty gaze

beg me to make this easier and listen as my hopeless cries
send stares into your meaningless eyes

my envy can’t describe how I loathe you for having all the stars
leaving my eyes to marvel the sky knowing it should be mine
yet it’s you I see wasting the dream that only I deserve
I’ll tear off your face to see your smile

as you build your dreams on my shattered hopes
I’ll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy

I met a woman through the computer. we texted for a while, then met live. There was not only attraction from the text but from our first meeting. Our relationship turned very hot, and It was all that I could think of. She was attractive, sexy, yet she had it, as she did not flant it. I fell madly in love with her. She was a student. Very nice personality. In fact exceptional. I thought we had a good relationship. We did things together, and talked alot about alot of things.  After about 1 year and six months, she texted me one day and said, I have met another and I fall in love to him. I was crushed, my world closed in on me. I was thrown out like yesterdays newspaper.